a guy doesn't post for a while and everything seems to break up on him. pardon this dust as i republish the entire blog...
*cough cough*
should be all better now.
thanks.
the mgmt.
12.30.2004
greetings from under a pile...
halloooo!
i know it's been a while, and i can't possibly update everyone on everything as of late, but i can say hello. (and apparently i can say halloooo as well)
i just wanted to wish everyone a belated Christmas greeting, and a happy new year :)
okay, now that that is done, and i'm still under a pile o'work, i want to paste in here a letter i wrote from Hong Kong in the fall of 2003. some of you have read it, some not, so i figure i can put it here for safe keeping. i hope and pray you all have a wonderful new year... and stay out of socialist hospitals...
Original message dated 12 July, 2003 (pardon the spelling and grammar errors, this was all written after a bit of trauma)
____________________________________________________
What Jason did in Hong Kong today (July 12th):
Okay, I take the little shuttle bus to the customer site, and before it leaves the hotel Saturday morning he sees the opportunity to practice his english and let me know some of the sights of the city as well. After he drops me off, I had to walk a block or so to the customer site - and he drives by there but there's not a stop, which is why I got out of the bus where I did - and when he sees me walking that way, he opens the window to the bus and asks me if I needed to go somewhere else. Well, I'm walking kind of fast so I just look back and am trying to tell him I am okay and that I'm just going a few more buildings away and trying to understand his broken english...
I walk into a steel lightpost at full stride with a little access panel at about head height.
My head hurts so I put my hand on it for a minute and it's covered with blood.
What do I think,
a) "Wow, that's not good - I should probably get this looked at"
b) "Hmm... head wounds are always bleeders, it's probably not that bad"
or
c) "Shoot, I have no time for this, I have to get to the customer site and take a look at the logs for yesterday"
Sadly, it was (c).
And a little bit of (b).
Well, I walk into the customer building and the security people ask me if I am okay ("I'm okay," says the taller than most people there foreigner, with blood covering most of his right hand and forehead.).
They don't believe me, so I just ask if there is a restroom nearby where I can wash it and have a look.
They follow me with a first aid tackle box and show me to the staff restroom (they were very nice and helpful) where I proceed to wash it off and can't wash a big section of hair out of the way of the cut.
Ow.
I notice that that is not a clump of hair, it's a 1-1.5 inch long 1/8 wide and equally deep gash in my forehead.
("now it's going to be really hard to get these logs at this morning.")
Nice Hong Kong security guards keep telling me to go to the state hospital and that they will call an ambulance for me... I think they really wanted to call the ambulance... or they were distressed at the sight of my forehead.
I tell them (after giving up, and not being able to explain to them in chinese that I will probably be okay) that I need to wait for the customer to get there (I was a half hour early) so that they will know where I went... so they give me the little security guard chair and with Hong Kong precision place the chair nicely behind a large shrub in the building so that I have plenty of room to sit, and so people coming in the door don't have to see the bleeding guy. Half hour passes... man am I getting tired of applying direct pressure.
Customer (partner) shows up, and decides to take me to SARSville - the East Hong Kong hospital - where I find they have english writing but don't speak english so well. Plus (bonus), I get my free SARS mask. (Starts to make you feel a bit uncomfortable... open head wound, lots of sick people around... lot's of SARS posters... you get the idea).
Socialist medicine is odd.
First I sit in the waiting area until they take me to the triage station (after I paid my flat foreigner fee of $HK 550... or the partner did as they only take cash... in case you ever plan on getting hospitalized in HK) look at it... "Hmmm... might need sutures... it does not seem to be bleeding too much, this will be a priority 4 case (where 5 is the lowest).
I question myself as to why I was a good boy and applied more direct pressure and iced it a bit... I just slowed down my process :)
They use shiny scotch tape and take a big stipe of it across my head with a little gauze over the cut, take my bp 80/135... not to bad for having rocked my head on a pole and not being in anywhere near familiar surroundings.
I get sent back to the same waiting area.
Fifteen minutes back, I get to go back to curtain 12. Dr. asks me questions... does not seem to believe evil vicious lightpost did the damage after taking off scotch tape and gauze... it does quite look like a cut, but I hadn't gone back to see the lightpost yet, so I didn't know if had a bump out on it at my forehead height. He seems to think someone cut me, but he doesn't push it. He just asks me 4 more times or so, and then is done with it.
Dr. thinks I need an X-ray... wants to make sure there is no concussion on contusion (I mention that I already checked my pupils, but he checked them too). He gets ready to send me to the waiting room again, but then gives me a paper and let's me follow the green line to the X-ray dept. Oh. He puts some gauze on my head with scotch tape.
I get to the X-ray, and after giving them my paper, I sit down to wait again, only for about five minutes. They call my name, and I get my head bombarded with sub-atomic particles. (at least I think they are subatomic... yeah, not a single atom) and... you guessed it, I get to go back to the waiting room.
Oh yeah, early on a middle eastern man sees me, and he is there for something with his wife. He asks if I am from America, and I say yeah - almost hesitating first as I already have a gash and don't want extra reasons to stay at the hospital. He says "God Bless you."
I am flattered, but assure him I am just a normal guy, but he blesses me anyway, nice to know everyone from that part of the world does not hate us.
Okay, back to the story, I'm typing a lot here, so I'll wrap it up before going in search of Mah jongg.
After another 20 or 30 minutes or so, they call my name (phew... I finally get them to sew this thing up) ... I go back to good ol' curtain 12, he looks at my X-rays, and tells me that they look fine, but he is concerned about my headache ("I hit my head on a steel post at full walk... what do you expect?") and gives me paperwork on signs of a contusion/concussion.
Hospital Authority
Accident and Emergency Department
CARE AT HOME OF PATIENTS WHO HAVE SUSTAINED HEAD INJURIES
Bring the patient back to hospital IMMEDIATELY under the following circumstances:--
1. If the patient ---
(a) Has a convulsion or fit. >> okay, I think that should be understood. <<
(b) Complains of severe head-ache. >> Yeah, okay, this is migraine boy who just smacked his head on a solid object... I think I'm gonna have a headache. <<
(c) Vomits repeatedly. >> Now no matter what strange tentacled things I eat at lunch, I have to keep down, or I'll have to come back. <<
(d) Becomes irritable. >> What if I am naturally already that way. <<
(e) Becomes increasingly drowsy and difficult to rouse.
(Children should be woken every two hours during the first twelve hours after the injury to make sure that they are still rousable).
>> Let's see... I'm jet lagged beyond belief, not getting much sleep at night and yesterday I got sleepy at two. That's in three hours. must not let partner see I am sleepy. <<
2. If you are worried about the patient's condition any time.
Okay, I go get a can of coke. $5.50HK They're out of Vanilla coke, shoot.
One regular coke later they call me back to curtain 12 where I get pointed to the blue line that takes me to the "Minor Surgery Theatre"... hmm... no one said anything about a movie... I get back there to see a guy cleaning up the old supplies and calls me back to the bed (having flashbacks to every movie with an operation being performed in less than favourable conditions). It has some mostly dried blood on the sheet so he lays down a gauze sheet over it and has me lay down (nice enought to give me one for my head too). Numbs me, covers my face up and starts stitching... luckily there were only three as the subcutaneous injection didn't numb me so well until we were finishing number two
Anyway, stitches get done (just three), and I peeked at it and they don't look so good, but hey, it's just my forehead. :)
Oh yeah, I went to the pharmacy (with another place to wait in line and then in a chair) and picked up my meds... I thought I was getting an antibiotic... nope. Just pain killer and antacids... (hoping he cleaned it well before stitching as I didn't get to do too much with it). Headed back to customer site and did the job, had another lunch (with too many tentacles in places I didn't expect them... fried rice for one). And then ended up back at my hotel.
I went across the street to the grocery store to buy some film and I am happy to say that I found a Kinder Bueno bar and finally tasted it. (candy bar Kim told me about in Ireland) But they are very good...
So anyway, I am a little loopy, but I checked my pupils again and they still seem okay, so I am off to shop. If you don't hear from me again by Sunday morning, well... hmm. (really, I am joking about myself... I should be just fine).
Okay, just about fell asleep there... so I should go shop and then come back to bed.
I hope you guys are well.
Maybe by the end of the day tomorrow I will have more stories...
i know it's been a while, and i can't possibly update everyone on everything as of late, but i can say hello. (and apparently i can say halloooo as well)
i just wanted to wish everyone a belated Christmas greeting, and a happy new year :)
okay, now that that is done, and i'm still under a pile o'work, i want to paste in here a letter i wrote from Hong Kong in the fall of 2003. some of you have read it, some not, so i figure i can put it here for safe keeping. i hope and pray you all have a wonderful new year... and stay out of socialist hospitals...
Original message dated 12 July, 2003 (pardon the spelling and grammar errors, this was all written after a bit of trauma)
____________________________________________________
What Jason did in Hong Kong today (July 12th):
Okay, I take the little shuttle bus to the customer site, and before it leaves the hotel Saturday morning he sees the opportunity to practice his english and let me know some of the sights of the city as well. After he drops me off, I had to walk a block or so to the customer site - and he drives by there but there's not a stop, which is why I got out of the bus where I did - and when he sees me walking that way, he opens the window to the bus and asks me if I needed to go somewhere else. Well, I'm walking kind of fast so I just look back and am trying to tell him I am okay and that I'm just going a few more buildings away and trying to understand his broken english...
I walk into a steel lightpost at full stride with a little access panel at about head height.
My head hurts so I put my hand on it for a minute and it's covered with blood.
What do I think,
a) "Wow, that's not good - I should probably get this looked at"
b) "Hmm... head wounds are always bleeders, it's probably not that bad"
or
c) "Shoot, I have no time for this, I have to get to the customer site and take a look at the logs for yesterday"
Sadly, it was (c).
And a little bit of (b).
Well, I walk into the customer building and the security people ask me if I am okay ("I'm okay," says the taller than most people there foreigner, with blood covering most of his right hand and forehead.).
They don't believe me, so I just ask if there is a restroom nearby where I can wash it and have a look.
They follow me with a first aid tackle box and show me to the staff restroom (they were very nice and helpful) where I proceed to wash it off and can't wash a big section of hair out of the way of the cut.
Ow.
I notice that that is not a clump of hair, it's a 1-1.5 inch long 1/8 wide and equally deep gash in my forehead.
("now it's going to be really hard to get these logs at this morning.")
Nice Hong Kong security guards keep telling me to go to the state hospital and that they will call an ambulance for me... I think they really wanted to call the ambulance... or they were distressed at the sight of my forehead.
I tell them (after giving up, and not being able to explain to them in chinese that I will probably be okay) that I need to wait for the customer to get there (I was a half hour early) so that they will know where I went... so they give me the little security guard chair and with Hong Kong precision place the chair nicely behind a large shrub in the building so that I have plenty of room to sit, and so people coming in the door don't have to see the bleeding guy. Half hour passes... man am I getting tired of applying direct pressure.
Customer (partner) shows up, and decides to take me to SARSville - the East Hong Kong hospital - where I find they have english writing but don't speak english so well. Plus (bonus), I get my free SARS mask. (Starts to make you feel a bit uncomfortable... open head wound, lots of sick people around... lot's of SARS posters... you get the idea).
Socialist medicine is odd.
First I sit in the waiting area until they take me to the triage station (after I paid my flat foreigner fee of $HK 550... or the partner did as they only take cash... in case you ever plan on getting hospitalized in HK) look at it... "Hmmm... might need sutures... it does not seem to be bleeding too much, this will be a priority 4 case (where 5 is the lowest).
I question myself as to why I was a good boy and applied more direct pressure and iced it a bit... I just slowed down my process :)
They use shiny scotch tape and take a big stipe of it across my head with a little gauze over the cut, take my bp 80/135... not to bad for having rocked my head on a pole and not being in anywhere near familiar surroundings.
I get sent back to the same waiting area.
Fifteen minutes back, I get to go back to curtain 12. Dr. asks me questions... does not seem to believe evil vicious lightpost did the damage after taking off scotch tape and gauze... it does quite look like a cut, but I hadn't gone back to see the lightpost yet, so I didn't know if had a bump out on it at my forehead height. He seems to think someone cut me, but he doesn't push it. He just asks me 4 more times or so, and then is done with it.
Dr. thinks I need an X-ray... wants to make sure there is no concussion on contusion (I mention that I already checked my pupils, but he checked them too). He gets ready to send me to the waiting room again, but then gives me a paper and let's me follow the green line to the X-ray dept. Oh. He puts some gauze on my head with scotch tape.
I get to the X-ray, and after giving them my paper, I sit down to wait again, only for about five minutes. They call my name, and I get my head bombarded with sub-atomic particles. (at least I think they are subatomic... yeah, not a single atom) and... you guessed it, I get to go back to the waiting room.
Oh yeah, early on a middle eastern man sees me, and he is there for something with his wife. He asks if I am from America, and I say yeah - almost hesitating first as I already have a gash and don't want extra reasons to stay at the hospital. He says "God Bless you."
I am flattered, but assure him I am just a normal guy, but he blesses me anyway, nice to know everyone from that part of the world does not hate us.
Okay, back to the story, I'm typing a lot here, so I'll wrap it up before going in search of Mah jongg.
After another 20 or 30 minutes or so, they call my name (phew... I finally get them to sew this thing up) ... I go back to good ol' curtain 12, he looks at my X-rays, and tells me that they look fine, but he is concerned about my headache ("I hit my head on a steel post at full walk... what do you expect?") and gives me paperwork on signs of a contusion/concussion.
Hospital Authority
Accident and Emergency Department
CARE AT HOME OF PATIENTS WHO HAVE SUSTAINED HEAD INJURIES
Bring the patient back to hospital IMMEDIATELY under the following circumstances:--
1. If the patient ---
(a) Has a convulsion or fit. >> okay, I think that should be understood. <<
(b) Complains of severe head-ache. >> Yeah, okay, this is migraine boy who just smacked his head on a solid object... I think I'm gonna have a headache. <<
(c) Vomits repeatedly. >> Now no matter what strange tentacled things I eat at lunch, I have to keep down, or I'll have to come back. <<
(d) Becomes irritable. >> What if I am naturally already that way. <<
(e) Becomes increasingly drowsy and difficult to rouse.
(Children should be woken every two hours during the first twelve hours after the injury to make sure that they are still rousable).
>> Let's see... I'm jet lagged beyond belief, not getting much sleep at night and yesterday I got sleepy at two. That's in three hours. must not let partner see I am sleepy. <<
2. If you are worried about the patient's condition any time.
Okay, I go get a can of coke. $5.50HK They're out of Vanilla coke, shoot.
One regular coke later they call me back to curtain 12 where I get pointed to the blue line that takes me to the "Minor Surgery Theatre"... hmm... no one said anything about a movie... I get back there to see a guy cleaning up the old supplies and calls me back to the bed (having flashbacks to every movie with an operation being performed in less than favourable conditions). It has some mostly dried blood on the sheet so he lays down a gauze sheet over it and has me lay down (nice enought to give me one for my head too). Numbs me, covers my face up and starts stitching... luckily there were only three as the subcutaneous injection didn't numb me so well until we were finishing number two
Anyway, stitches get done (just three), and I peeked at it and they don't look so good, but hey, it's just my forehead. :)
Oh yeah, I went to the pharmacy (with another place to wait in line and then in a chair) and picked up my meds... I thought I was getting an antibiotic... nope. Just pain killer and antacids... (hoping he cleaned it well before stitching as I didn't get to do too much with it). Headed back to customer site and did the job, had another lunch (with too many tentacles in places I didn't expect them... fried rice for one). And then ended up back at my hotel.
I went across the street to the grocery store to buy some film and I am happy to say that I found a Kinder Bueno bar and finally tasted it. (candy bar Kim told me about in Ireland) But they are very good...
So anyway, I am a little loopy, but I checked my pupils again and they still seem okay, so I am off to shop. If you don't hear from me again by Sunday morning, well... hmm. (really, I am joking about myself... I should be just fine).
Okay, just about fell asleep there... so I should go shop and then come back to bed.
I hope you guys are well.
Maybe by the end of the day tomorrow I will have more stories...
9.23.2004
support your local...
hi there kids...
i know, it's been a while. since i last wrote, my site moved to a new server, i set up a nifty mailing list so you all can use it to publicly emote if you fell the need too - well, if public is counted as a small handful of family and friends... anyway, i've also changed jobs at work, and changed cars... but i'm not really writing about any of that today.
as the autumn winds begin to blow across the state, my mind starts to drift with those winds. i know it's the 30th time i've been exposed to it, but i seem to always look to it with a certain expectation of change, and time to relax with those you know.
change is always hard when you don't want it to happen, and it's not always for the better. sadly, i'm experiencing one of those moments now. it's hard to believe that i could grieve for a business, a little coffee shop, but i do, and that's why i'm writing. cath is closing it's location in meridian/kessler (south of broadripple) - now i know that most of you don't know anything about cath, so i'll try to explain as i go. cath coffee shop "CATH" was opened by Cathy Peachy twenty one years ago in the indianpolis city market. my exposure however began with their little shop out of the city market that moved seven years ago to a little old oil change building in the parking lot of another lost local business - atlas foods - (for those of you who don't know, it was a little mom & pop chain of i believe two stores, maybe three - and where David Letterman learned his well honed grocery bagging skills). anyway, they made this little old oil change shop into something more than a coffee house. at least to me, and i think to a lot of other people.
cath could almost be considered a little part of the heart and soul of the area. it's a small building, and if i were to list it off by specifications it wouldn't sound too interesting (a handful of tables with a few chairs around each, a couch, a few more comfortable chairs, a large rocking horse, two of the chairs have writing all over them, and are quite interesting to read, the counter, display, and all... maybe it can sound interesting) - but it goes beyond that. cath was my favorite place to see live music from great artists as their skills grow and often friendships with them. cath was a place where i would look forward to see my friend Edie Carey swing through as she would be touring through the area, back when she had this poor old ford escort that had more than it's share of miles. cath was a place for me to sit and listen to artists express themselves with their music, and through their music hear my own heart. there's so much about it that has to be experienced, and will not be able to be experienced for those that have not already. sometimes, cath was just a place to sit and be.
i know that it's nothing that can change, as they sustained an oppressive rent for all that time, even with competitors around, and now they are being asked by the landlord to leave. i'd like to beg and plead that they stay, but there is a lot of competition. a lot of good places to buy your beans - before and after being turned into coffee. but i can't think of another cath in the area. i don't want to sound like i'm ranting against the landlord, but i do wonder if he/she knows - really knows - what they are closing.
i'm moving back to the area when i can. i've been looking for a while, but it feels like a little hole opened up in me when i realized that i *wont* be able to walk over to cath once i get moved in. i *wont* be able to see old and new friends and artists there, and that touches me somehow far more profoundly than one would think it should. and i'll just smile and nod if you think that i'm off my rocker on this, because it's something that can't be argued or defended, it can only be felt.
enough with all of that for now. i guess i just want to say that i've loved the place from the first time i stepped foot in the door. i am ever thankful to Nora and her crew for keeping it running so well for so long through so much. i take my hat off to you all. and i will always remember the smiles, the shows, the coffee, and the heart - in mine.
i know, it's been a while. since i last wrote, my site moved to a new server, i set up a nifty mailing list so you all can use it to publicly emote if you fell the need too - well, if public is counted as a small handful of family and friends... anyway, i've also changed jobs at work, and changed cars... but i'm not really writing about any of that today.
as the autumn winds begin to blow across the state, my mind starts to drift with those winds. i know it's the 30th time i've been exposed to it, but i seem to always look to it with a certain expectation of change, and time to relax with those you know.
change is always hard when you don't want it to happen, and it's not always for the better. sadly, i'm experiencing one of those moments now. it's hard to believe that i could grieve for a business, a little coffee shop, but i do, and that's why i'm writing. cath is closing it's location in meridian/kessler (south of broadripple) - now i know that most of you don't know anything about cath, so i'll try to explain as i go. cath coffee shop "CATH" was opened by Cathy Peachy twenty one years ago in the indianpolis city market. my exposure however began with their little shop out of the city market that moved seven years ago to a little old oil change building in the parking lot of another lost local business - atlas foods - (for those of you who don't know, it was a little mom & pop chain of i believe two stores, maybe three - and where David Letterman learned his well honed grocery bagging skills). anyway, they made this little old oil change shop into something more than a coffee house. at least to me, and i think to a lot of other people.
cath could almost be considered a little part of the heart and soul of the area. it's a small building, and if i were to list it off by specifications it wouldn't sound too interesting (a handful of tables with a few chairs around each, a couch, a few more comfortable chairs, a large rocking horse, two of the chairs have writing all over them, and are quite interesting to read, the counter, display, and all... maybe it can sound interesting) - but it goes beyond that. cath was my favorite place to see live music from great artists as their skills grow and often friendships with them. cath was a place where i would look forward to see my friend Edie Carey swing through as she would be touring through the area, back when she had this poor old ford escort that had more than it's share of miles. cath was a place for me to sit and listen to artists express themselves with their music, and through their music hear my own heart. there's so much about it that has to be experienced, and will not be able to be experienced for those that have not already. sometimes, cath was just a place to sit and be.
i know that it's nothing that can change, as they sustained an oppressive rent for all that time, even with competitors around, and now they are being asked by the landlord to leave. i'd like to beg and plead that they stay, but there is a lot of competition. a lot of good places to buy your beans - before and after being turned into coffee. but i can't think of another cath in the area. i don't want to sound like i'm ranting against the landlord, but i do wonder if he/she knows - really knows - what they are closing.
i'm moving back to the area when i can. i've been looking for a while, but it feels like a little hole opened up in me when i realized that i *wont* be able to walk over to cath once i get moved in. i *wont* be able to see old and new friends and artists there, and that touches me somehow far more profoundly than one would think it should. and i'll just smile and nod if you think that i'm off my rocker on this, because it's something that can't be argued or defended, it can only be felt.
enough with all of that for now. i guess i just want to say that i've loved the place from the first time i stepped foot in the door. i am ever thankful to Nora and her crew for keeping it running so well for so long through so much. i take my hat off to you all. and i will always remember the smiles, the shows, the coffee, and the heart - in mine.
6.19.2004
who's your daddy?
hey there everyone -
just a shout out to all my friends and relatives that are also fathers (as well as my father - Hi Dad!)... funny thing, our society, that we set only one day a year aside each for fathers, mothers, grandparents (grandma and grandpa don't even get a seperate day)... and it seems anymore to be just a day to push cards. (at least dad won't check the back to see if it's a specific card manufacturer or not)
here's a thought. try to connect with your dad more throughout the year than just once a year. pick a random day to call him up or go visit and just hang out doing whatever it is you and your dad do. "cat's in the cradle" always comes to memory when i think of days and times like this, yet most of us - even the ones that get choked up over the song - don't ever do to much to remedy the situation. it's always tomorrow, next weekend, no time, etc.
there's always time to *make* time.
is the game really that important? will your house/apartment still be there when you get back? then go! stop reading this email and do something with your life - take control instead of spiraling through life on the h*llmark holiday whirlwind.
life does take place every day, yet so few of us decide to live it. it doesn't take much, unplug the tube, play a game, play some music, go for a walk... heck, go for a sit on a park bench and people watch. those are the moments you will remember when you are old. not what happened on the latest cable series, or who slept with who on the evening police/lawyer/investigator drama will make any difference when your ready to depart this life.
okay, getting off the soapbox. and yes, i'm going home to see my Dad tomorrow.
somewhere between the moron who had nothing better to do than make a movie about himself living on fast food and blimping out, and the nut who's living as if tomorrow didn't exist, there's plenty of room for you and i.
on that note, time to get back to cleaning my apartment so i can actually invite the people i care about over and not have to worry about them breaking limbs tripping over things.
okay, I leave you with one of my truly favorite poems - and no, this is not becoming a poetry room...
"Success" by Ralph Waldo Emerson
---------------------
To laugh often and much
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends
To appreciate beauty
To find the best in others
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch,
or a redeemed social condition
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived
This is to have succeeded.
just a shout out to all my friends and relatives that are also fathers (as well as my father - Hi Dad!)... funny thing, our society, that we set only one day a year aside each for fathers, mothers, grandparents (grandma and grandpa don't even get a seperate day)... and it seems anymore to be just a day to push cards. (at least dad won't check the back to see if it's a specific card manufacturer or not)
here's a thought. try to connect with your dad more throughout the year than just once a year. pick a random day to call him up or go visit and just hang out doing whatever it is you and your dad do. "cat's in the cradle" always comes to memory when i think of days and times like this, yet most of us - even the ones that get choked up over the song - don't ever do to much to remedy the situation. it's always tomorrow, next weekend, no time, etc.
there's always time to *make* time.
is the game really that important? will your house/apartment still be there when you get back? then go! stop reading this email and do something with your life - take control instead of spiraling through life on the h*llmark holiday whirlwind.
life does take place every day, yet so few of us decide to live it. it doesn't take much, unplug the tube, play a game, play some music, go for a walk... heck, go for a sit on a park bench and people watch. those are the moments you will remember when you are old. not what happened on the latest cable series, or who slept with who on the evening police/lawyer/investigator drama will make any difference when your ready to depart this life.
okay, getting off the soapbox. and yes, i'm going home to see my Dad tomorrow.
somewhere between the moron who had nothing better to do than make a movie about himself living on fast food and blimping out, and the nut who's living as if tomorrow didn't exist, there's plenty of room for you and i.
on that note, time to get back to cleaning my apartment so i can actually invite the people i care about over and not have to worry about them breaking limbs tripping over things.
okay, I leave you with one of my truly favorite poems - and no, this is not becoming a poetry room...
"Success" by Ralph Waldo Emerson
---------------------
To laugh often and much
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends
To appreciate beauty
To find the best in others
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch,
or a redeemed social condition
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived
This is to have succeeded.
6.17.2004
one last thing.
i found this in my stack of little typer poems. thought i'd share it too...
(you didn' know it was open mic night, did you?)
(also written around the spring of 2002... and remember, i'm trying to present these as they were typed - no stopping to correct the errors or really bad typos)
--
more or less, less or more, the night skyline of indy stretches up outside my window. there and not there, to be seen, but not lived for the living of it can quickly destory the dream, a little further away, pushing yourself further than you really ever wanted to go as a child... when is it enough... when are we happy... when will we start to live again, and breathe in like we have never breathed in before.
a voice can cut through your soul and repair things that a surgeons scalple (?) could never touch. beyond the reality of it, and into the true, whole living beauty of it.
it.
the common bond that unites us and brings us closer together than any wars can take us apart.
the common bond you feel when you meet someone for the first time, but you feel that you have known them for years.
it is the stuff of life that I seek... the sunsets, the sunrise, the gentle breeze in the spring, and the soft caress of the fall, gathering around you to hold you close before winter settles you indoors and lets you rest to start over all over again... another first blade of grass, the first smell of real green (not the paper kind) carried to your face, maybe over the trace of snow left hanging on as the sun drives it back into the air.
-------------------
-------------------
sappy as it is, hug a loved one, even when you feel like the whole world is out against you. tell your mom and dad, brother and sister, wife/husband and children that you love them. because you do.
pray too. but i'm not the boss of you. sleep tight, or have a good day wherever you are, but i am off to the inner workings of my mind, and the now empty bedroom that calls out to me to retire.
.jason
(you didn' know it was open mic night, did you?)
(also written around the spring of 2002... and remember, i'm trying to present these as they were typed - no stopping to correct the errors or really bad typos)
--
more or less, less or more, the night skyline of indy stretches up outside my window. there and not there, to be seen, but not lived for the living of it can quickly destory the dream, a little further away, pushing yourself further than you really ever wanted to go as a child... when is it enough... when are we happy... when will we start to live again, and breathe in like we have never breathed in before.
a voice can cut through your soul and repair things that a surgeons scalple (?) could never touch. beyond the reality of it, and into the true, whole living beauty of it.
it.
the common bond that unites us and brings us closer together than any wars can take us apart.
the common bond you feel when you meet someone for the first time, but you feel that you have known them for years.
it is the stuff of life that I seek... the sunsets, the sunrise, the gentle breeze in the spring, and the soft caress of the fall, gathering around you to hold you close before winter settles you indoors and lets you rest to start over all over again... another first blade of grass, the first smell of real green (not the paper kind) carried to your face, maybe over the trace of snow left hanging on as the sun drives it back into the air.
-------------------
-------------------
sappy as it is, hug a loved one, even when you feel like the whole world is out against you. tell your mom and dad, brother and sister, wife/husband and children that you love them. because you do.
pray too. but i'm not the boss of you. sleep tight, or have a good day wherever you are, but i am off to the inner workings of my mind, and the now empty bedroom that calls out to me to retire.
.jason
thanks to the computer
a little poem with that title (the subject of this blog) caught my eye tonight, and though i am far closer to being ready to sleep for the night, i thought i'd pass it along. it's by Charles Bukowski. "Hank." he wrote a lot of good poems, a lot of bad ones, and most of them were not the kind of poems you'd read to anyone under the age of eighteen... and - like me - he tended to have a slight disinterest in the proper use of the key.
basically the poem is about his nifty new computer, and how it pleases him - and how it probably kept some of his other work hidden - once electrons passing on data to the screen, and then no more. a little easier than the wastebasket, and a lot more permanent. no second chances if you aren't saving backups, and don't have access to undo what you've done.
anyway - just hadn't said hi lateley. getting a new job at work (cool), but i'll have to leave you in suspense with that for now, as i only feel like typing the poem and going to bed.
'thanks to the computer' - Charles Bukowski
you write a bad poem and you just
press the "delete" key and watch the
lines vanish as if they had never been,
no ripping pages out of the typer,
balling them up and tossing them into the
wastebasket.
the older I get the more I delete.
I mean, if I see nothing in a work, what
will the reader see?
and the computer screen is a tough judge,
the words sit back and look at you,
with the typewriter you don't see them
until you pull out the
page.
also, the keyboard on a computer is
more efficient than that on the
typer, with the computer the thoughts
leap more quickly from your mind to your
fingers, to the screen.
is this boring?
probably.
but I won't delete it because it isn't boring
me.
I am in love with THIS MACHINE
see what it can do
now let's get back to
work.
---------------------------------
hmm. in contrast, here's something i typed up a few years ago - and no, i had not read this back then. (i just bought this book a few months back)
(wow, and i used the shift key for abouut eight letters) ... btw, i in no way consider this a masterpiece - it's just a dumb poem i wrote, and maybe it will entertain you a bit. written in 2002, around march.
--
Swing you crazy levers, swing.
so sad is it that so many have forgotten you.
'word' can never replace this feel, and Hemmingway would never have typed as much (whether you like him or not) if he was using a PC.. or maybe he would have drunk less...
i'll try to tell you later, after another drink or two.
so, sitting here now,
neat scotch
radio on
npr - i have these stinkin audio plays - they are good sometimes, but a real bitch when i am just wanting some background noise while i type (other than the ever pleasant ding letting me know that yet another page
is done) unless
i
outsmart it ...i don't have to play the ding
as long as i stop
soon enough.
but sooner or later i forget to stop, i get in a frenzy, and then bam!!
another ding... but that's okay, i really do not mind the ding letters eeerrr... dings... come to think of it, I do not know that I have ever gotten a ding letter of any sort. i guess you could call it a ding letter when undue purversity told me that i was not their type of student, and sent me packing. but i will show them (hopefully :) engineering was not my bag anyway.
but don't tell them that it could actually not be someone's bag.
that would be sacrilidge... at least for it to be said out in the open air - like at halftime at mackey... i don't think Gene or his wife would care however.
I have to fix the typewriter just a bit more, just a bit more tweaking.
one last line before I do that though.
nicely,
perfect,
sweetness.
-----
hmm. i'll be like Bukowski tonight and not hit delete even though I am thinking otherwise.
have a good day, and take care.
.jason
basically the poem is about his nifty new computer, and how it pleases him - and how it probably kept some of his other work hidden - once electrons passing on data to the screen, and then no more. a little easier than the wastebasket, and a lot more permanent. no second chances if you aren't saving backups, and don't have access to undo what you've done.
anyway - just hadn't said hi lateley. getting a new job at work (cool), but i'll have to leave you in suspense with that for now, as i only feel like typing the poem and going to bed.
'thanks to the computer' - Charles Bukowski
you write a bad poem and you just
press the "delete" key and watch the
lines vanish as if they had never been,
no ripping pages out of the typer,
balling them up and tossing them into the
wastebasket.
the older I get the more I delete.
I mean, if I see nothing in a work, what
will the reader see?
and the computer screen is a tough judge,
the words sit back and look at you,
with the typewriter you don't see them
until you pull out the
page.
also, the keyboard on a computer is
more efficient than that on the
typer, with the computer the thoughts
leap more quickly from your mind to your
fingers, to the screen.
is this boring?
probably.
but I won't delete it because it isn't boring
me.
I am in love with THIS MACHINE
see what it can do
now let's get back to
work.
---------------------------------
hmm. in contrast, here's something i typed up a few years ago - and no, i had not read this back then. (i just bought this book a few months back)
(wow, and i used the shift key for abouut eight letters) ... btw, i in no way consider this a masterpiece - it's just a dumb poem i wrote, and maybe it will entertain you a bit. written in 2002, around march.
--
Swing you crazy levers, swing.
so sad is it that so many have forgotten you.
'word' can never replace this feel, and Hemmingway would never have typed as much (whether you like him or not) if he was using a PC.. or maybe he would have drunk less...
i'll try to tell you later, after another drink or two.
so, sitting here now,
neat scotch
radio on
npr - i have these stinkin audio plays - they are good sometimes, but a real bitch when i am just wanting some background noise while i type (other than the ever pleasant ding letting me know that yet another page
is done) unless
i
outsmart it ...i don't have to play the ding
as long as i stop
soon enough.
but sooner or later i forget to stop, i get in a frenzy, and then bam!!
another ding... but that's okay, i really do not mind the ding letters eeerrr... dings... come to think of it, I do not know that I have ever gotten a ding letter of any sort. i guess you could call it a ding letter when undue purversity told me that i was not their type of student, and sent me packing. but i will show them (hopefully :) engineering was not my bag anyway.
but don't tell them that it could actually not be someone's bag.
that would be sacrilidge... at least for it to be said out in the open air - like at halftime at mackey... i don't think Gene or his wife would care however.
I have to fix the typewriter just a bit more, just a bit more tweaking.
one last line before I do that though.
nicely,
perfect,
sweetness.
-----
hmm. i'll be like Bukowski tonight and not hit delete even though I am thinking otherwise.
have a good day, and take care.
.jason
5.25.2004
do you look before you vote?
just wondering... it seems that people are so interested in defending their party or candidate that they don't actually look at the facts of the world around them.
okay. republican, democrat, or independent? green, donkey, or elephant? tragically flawed or perfect?
yeah - seems a bit extreme on the last question, but it's the same idea anymore. if you really look at party politics in the US, it's hard to say that they can really represent anyone who is just a citizen and isn't looking for a kickback or a loophole. i believe in business as it pushes our economy, and think that it has to be that way unless we change our entire economic structure - but i also see that a lot of businesses are awful, and a lot of republicans love to help them get awful. the funny thing is - so do the democrats. one of the reasons i've found myself voting more for republican candidates lately than democrat ones is that it seems like the republicans are generally pretty honest about how they are going to 'screw' you - not that they don't hide things and bend facts, but the democrat party really has to take the cake on that one.
let's look at a quick history overview of the democrat party. it's been around a heck of a lot longer than the republican party (republicans really didn't start making any sort of mark until shortly before the Lincoln presidency), and is just as heavily tied into 'old' money as the republican party, yet they continue to pretend they are for the working man.
what party led the south to secede from the union spawning the civil war? what party was bent on having the right to have slaves? what party? oh yeah, the democrat party - the one that while i grew up told me they were for the little guy, and the downtrodden. hmm. i don't mind being lied to by a liar, it's their nature, but there is a limit to how much crap i can eat while someone is running for office. "but wait!" you say... "what about kennedy? what about all the great things he did for civil rights?" ... kennedy didn't do crap on his own - check your history books - more appropriately, check history. all the credit should go to Martin Luther King Jr, and those that worked with him. he made several trips to the kennedy white house, and kennedy didn't or wouldn't do anything for civil rights, as he was too much the politician and didn't want to do anything controversial... well, King was a brilliant man, and eventually forced kennedy's hand by having white kids from the north who believed in the cause of equality come down and march with their black brothers and sisters hand in hand in the south.
when wealthier (read: political donations) white northern US citizens saw *their* children being beaten alongside of the black american marchers.... then and only then did things start to change and did the hand of the kennedy white house get forced by the money from above.
that's what it comes down to kids. all the bull that both parties spews at you is bull. just be careful not to take either at their word. check my facts out - i tried to keep things as straight as possible and still keep this a small post, but i think i kept everything in line.
look at the people you vote for. look at their character, and less at how glossy they can be or what kind of orator they are. look for a man or woman who will do the job with character. and i'm not just talking about the national level - this should be done at home too. don't vote for the guy who scratches your back. vote for the guy that is going to do the right thing. otherwise we may not eventually have a choice anymore as our government gradually collapses under the bloated weight of itself.
i'll try not to put my choices in here. i think that when you look at people, the choices grow a little clearer - and if they are both (or all X of them) miserable, then find a new option - or heck... "be" the new option. just remember to do the right thing, not the back scratching thing, because the kids are starting to open their eyes and grow up, and they see the waste, and the loss, and the misdirection, and the house will eventually be cleaned up. i just hope that those of us with a peaceful agenda do it first, so the violent ones can go back and rest and relax... or farm, or whatever. but for us to continue to be a strong nation in the future, we have to make sure we are making the right decisions - not ones just to get us re-election funds and eventually re-elected.
believe in what we can do as a nation. our forefathers did, and did great things for a while. the fat kids with the cream laden spoons in their mouths are now in control though, and they need to get in shape and get responsible, or we need to escort them out with our votes.
use yours. it makes a difference. just use it wisely.
.jason
(originally posted this one at http://deadpoet.blog.com ... hoping i don't get lynched by my friends for posting it here)
okay. republican, democrat, or independent? green, donkey, or elephant? tragically flawed or perfect?
yeah - seems a bit extreme on the last question, but it's the same idea anymore. if you really look at party politics in the US, it's hard to say that they can really represent anyone who is just a citizen and isn't looking for a kickback or a loophole. i believe in business as it pushes our economy, and think that it has to be that way unless we change our entire economic structure - but i also see that a lot of businesses are awful, and a lot of republicans love to help them get awful. the funny thing is - so do the democrats. one of the reasons i've found myself voting more for republican candidates lately than democrat ones is that it seems like the republicans are generally pretty honest about how they are going to 'screw' you - not that they don't hide things and bend facts, but the democrat party really has to take the cake on that one.
let's look at a quick history overview of the democrat party. it's been around a heck of a lot longer than the republican party (republicans really didn't start making any sort of mark until shortly before the Lincoln presidency), and is just as heavily tied into 'old' money as the republican party, yet they continue to pretend they are for the working man.
what party led the south to secede from the union spawning the civil war? what party was bent on having the right to have slaves? what party? oh yeah, the democrat party - the one that while i grew up told me they were for the little guy, and the downtrodden. hmm. i don't mind being lied to by a liar, it's their nature, but there is a limit to how much crap i can eat while someone is running for office. "but wait!" you say... "what about kennedy? what about all the great things he did for civil rights?" ... kennedy didn't do crap on his own - check your history books - more appropriately, check history. all the credit should go to Martin Luther King Jr, and those that worked with him. he made several trips to the kennedy white house, and kennedy didn't or wouldn't do anything for civil rights, as he was too much the politician and didn't want to do anything controversial... well, King was a brilliant man, and eventually forced kennedy's hand by having white kids from the north who believed in the cause of equality come down and march with their black brothers and sisters hand in hand in the south.
when wealthier (read: political donations) white northern US citizens saw *their* children being beaten alongside of the black american marchers.... then and only then did things start to change and did the hand of the kennedy white house get forced by the money from above.
that's what it comes down to kids. all the bull that both parties spews at you is bull. just be careful not to take either at their word. check my facts out - i tried to keep things as straight as possible and still keep this a small post, but i think i kept everything in line.
look at the people you vote for. look at their character, and less at how glossy they can be or what kind of orator they are. look for a man or woman who will do the job with character. and i'm not just talking about the national level - this should be done at home too. don't vote for the guy who scratches your back. vote for the guy that is going to do the right thing. otherwise we may not eventually have a choice anymore as our government gradually collapses under the bloated weight of itself.
i'll try not to put my choices in here. i think that when you look at people, the choices grow a little clearer - and if they are both (or all X of them) miserable, then find a new option - or heck... "be" the new option. just remember to do the right thing, not the back scratching thing, because the kids are starting to open their eyes and grow up, and they see the waste, and the loss, and the misdirection, and the house will eventually be cleaned up. i just hope that those of us with a peaceful agenda do it first, so the violent ones can go back and rest and relax... or farm, or whatever. but for us to continue to be a strong nation in the future, we have to make sure we are making the right decisions - not ones just to get us re-election funds and eventually re-elected.
believe in what we can do as a nation. our forefathers did, and did great things for a while. the fat kids with the cream laden spoons in their mouths are now in control though, and they need to get in shape and get responsible, or we need to escort them out with our votes.
use yours. it makes a difference. just use it wisely.
.jason
(originally posted this one at http://deadpoet.blog.com ... hoping i don't get lynched by my friends for posting it here)
5.14.2004
interesting day...
it's 212 miles to Chicago O'Hare, we've got a full tank of gas, three hours till you have to be at the airport, it's 7.30a and raining, and we're wearing sunglasses.
apologies to the Blues Brothers for abusing the quote, but it's the only way I could think to start this out.
i'll start at the beginning and try not to run too long. my very good friend had recently (in the last year) decided to follow a path that has been on his heart for over ten years. this path was to follow in the footsteps of Brother Andrew (http://www.opendoorsusa.org/Display.asp?Page=BAprofile) and bring bibles to those that are not legally allowed to have them in their part of the world. the part of the world he is headed to is China. call me over paranoid, but i'll going to leave out a few facts (his name, and destination for now) as i'd hate for the random fact snippet on the web to endanger his journey. which he is currently on his way to - on the other side of the world.
fast forward to 6.20a this morning. i'm a slacker and still in slumber when my phone drags me out of a bizarre dream about coming back to my car and finding it stripped down in the parking lot (*who* steals the dashboard out of a 1990 audi v8 quattro??), to hear my friend tell me that his flight from Indy to Chicago has been cancelled. as i'm trying to find the words to ask if i can help (typically i get woken up about servers and software in the middle of the night, so i have to think a lot before i say anything that i think is some bit profound or committal in any way) ... anyway, he asks, and of course i say yes - as that's what i was trying to figure out how to ask. i wanted to help, and love an adventure anyway, and the thought of trying to get him to Chicago in that short of a time period without officially having a license (that's another story for another day) has to classify as an adventure.
12 minutes later after him letting me know they were going to let him catch his Chicago to Asia flight and after waking up, i'm in my car en route to his house - a 20 minute drive under good conditions, and this one took at least that. we decided to bring his five year old son Ethan with us as an introduction to the adventures of the world (never too early to start), get everything packed and together (a lot of scrambling as this was soooo not the plan) and we are on the road about 15 minutes later listening to 'fibber island'and other kid safe songs, and fun to listen to when you're on a road trip.
in an attempt to fold space and time, we make the trip from his home in about three hours and fifteen minutes (including a stop for gas and to pick up food), when it should have at least taken four, and more with traffic. as an illustration for those who don't know about Chicago traffic (especially with all the construction right now) it took Ethan and i three hours to get back to the Indiana state line - still over 150 miles from home.
but our trip there had just about perfect timing. enough time to get him to his gate, to park the car and bring Ethan (carrying him while hustling through the airport) to catch up with him in the check-in line. it was great that he got the time to say goodbye to his son there at the airport, and that we got to kick his much bigger adventure off with a bang (and some demonstrations on the proper use of tonnage and horsepower in Chicago traffic that i know my mother would not approve of - hi mom... at least you read this ;)
anyway, just wanted to tell you all about a very cool use of a vacation day. one i doubt i'll ever forget. i wanted to get this down before i head off to bed. for some strange reason, i'm pretty tired... and i can't imagine tommow will be anywhere near as eventful. but who knows, i would have said last night that today was just going to be an uneventful Friday at work. i love to live, and i definitely lived today.
take care, and i hope you all are well.
.jason
(yes, the trip home took about six and a half hours... a time that was very possible on the way there too, and i was a good boy and drove quite close to the speed limit all the way home)
apologies to the Blues Brothers for abusing the quote, but it's the only way I could think to start this out.
i'll start at the beginning and try not to run too long. my very good friend had recently (in the last year) decided to follow a path that has been on his heart for over ten years. this path was to follow in the footsteps of Brother Andrew (http://www.opendoorsusa.org/Display.asp?Page=BAprofile) and bring bibles to those that are not legally allowed to have them in their part of the world. the part of the world he is headed to is China. call me over paranoid, but i'll going to leave out a few facts (his name, and destination for now) as i'd hate for the random fact snippet on the web to endanger his journey. which he is currently on his way to - on the other side of the world.
fast forward to 6.20a this morning. i'm a slacker and still in slumber when my phone drags me out of a bizarre dream about coming back to my car and finding it stripped down in the parking lot (*who* steals the dashboard out of a 1990 audi v8 quattro??), to hear my friend tell me that his flight from Indy to Chicago has been cancelled. as i'm trying to find the words to ask if i can help (typically i get woken up about servers and software in the middle of the night, so i have to think a lot before i say anything that i think is some bit profound or committal in any way) ... anyway, he asks, and of course i say yes - as that's what i was trying to figure out how to ask. i wanted to help, and love an adventure anyway, and the thought of trying to get him to Chicago in that short of a time period without officially having a license (that's another story for another day) has to classify as an adventure.
12 minutes later after him letting me know they were going to let him catch his Chicago to Asia flight and after waking up, i'm in my car en route to his house - a 20 minute drive under good conditions, and this one took at least that. we decided to bring his five year old son Ethan with us as an introduction to the adventures of the world (never too early to start), get everything packed and together (a lot of scrambling as this was soooo not the plan) and we are on the road about 15 minutes later listening to 'fibber island'and other kid safe songs, and fun to listen to when you're on a road trip.
in an attempt to fold space and time, we make the trip from his home in about three hours and fifteen minutes (including a stop for gas and to pick up food), when it should have at least taken four, and more with traffic. as an illustration for those who don't know about Chicago traffic (especially with all the construction right now) it took Ethan and i three hours to get back to the Indiana state line - still over 150 miles from home.
but our trip there had just about perfect timing. enough time to get him to his gate, to park the car and bring Ethan (carrying him while hustling through the airport) to catch up with him in the check-in line. it was great that he got the time to say goodbye to his son there at the airport, and that we got to kick his much bigger adventure off with a bang (and some demonstrations on the proper use of tonnage and horsepower in Chicago traffic that i know my mother would not approve of - hi mom... at least you read this ;)
anyway, just wanted to tell you all about a very cool use of a vacation day. one i doubt i'll ever forget. i wanted to get this down before i head off to bed. for some strange reason, i'm pretty tired... and i can't imagine tommow will be anywhere near as eventful. but who knows, i would have said last night that today was just going to be an uneventful Friday at work. i love to live, and i definitely lived today.
take care, and i hope you all are well.
.jason
(yes, the trip home took about six and a half hours... a time that was very possible on the way there too, and i was a good boy and drove quite close to the speed limit all the way home)
5.13.2004
kewl
good - now it's really fixed... off to bed.
btw - i'm writing this from my new laptop. i hate to sound giddy about a computer - as it just makes me sound like the dork that i am, but i'm quite happy with it. i'm now the proud owner of a g4 mac powerbook 15.2" widescreen.
yeah, i'm a mac dork.
but i'm still not going to put that apple sticker on my car.
(at least not yet)
:)
.jason
btw - i'm writing this from my new laptop. i hate to sound giddy about a computer - as it just makes me sound like the dork that i am, but i'm quite happy with it. i'm now the proud owner of a g4 mac powerbook 15.2" widescreen.
yeah, i'm a mac dork.
but i'm still not going to put that apple sticker on my car.
(at least not yet)
:)
.jason
posting test
i've moved my blog over to my server, still via blogger... trying to set it up like my test blog to see if that fixes the email issue. I'm about to find out...
.jason
.jason
perspective and perception
hey there everyone...
as most of you know, i haven't had the best time in the world in the last ten months or so. funny thing is, i tend to take things in stride - sure, i get bumped around like every other guy - but i try to keep moving nonetheless.
lately i've had a few rather unfortunate pulls back to things that i've tried to leave well behind me, and while those details aren't really the point of my message - some of what i have learned from them has. so i pass on this tidbit of wisdom that seems to me to be the way we all know we should think, but at the same time a way of thinking we tend to skip over in the frenzy of daily life and crises big and small.
when you have a situation with other people and other things, always realize that your perception of an event is always focused through your perspective. as i have tried to do a lot of things for the right reasons in my life, i've often seen them taken in a quite different, and sometimes horribly different light. i have no ill will towards any of those people, but in a conversation with one of my best friends today i realized that i really am mostly sorry for the people on the other side of a situation... often thinking too much "if he/she/they only knew what i really meant."
well, sometimes that can't happen and you can't make it happen. all i can do is ask you all to do is to try and open your mind to other views if you have people in your life you've shut out without making things right.
"How can you think of saying, 'Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friends eye."
good advice from [Luke 6:42] if you want to read more on the source of that.
anyway, enough rambling from me. i hope you're all well (as always) and you'll be glad to see that you're only getting one email from this post now :)
.jason
as most of you know, i haven't had the best time in the world in the last ten months or so. funny thing is, i tend to take things in stride - sure, i get bumped around like every other guy - but i try to keep moving nonetheless.
lately i've had a few rather unfortunate pulls back to things that i've tried to leave well behind me, and while those details aren't really the point of my message - some of what i have learned from them has. so i pass on this tidbit of wisdom that seems to me to be the way we all know we should think, but at the same time a way of thinking we tend to skip over in the frenzy of daily life and crises big and small.
when you have a situation with other people and other things, always realize that your perception of an event is always focused through your perspective. as i have tried to do a lot of things for the right reasons in my life, i've often seen them taken in a quite different, and sometimes horribly different light. i have no ill will towards any of those people, but in a conversation with one of my best friends today i realized that i really am mostly sorry for the people on the other side of a situation... often thinking too much "if he/she/they only knew what i really meant."
well, sometimes that can't happen and you can't make it happen. all i can do is ask you all to do is to try and open your mind to other views if you have people in your life you've shut out without making things right.
"How can you think of saying, 'Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friends eye."
good advice from [Luke 6:42] if you want to read more on the source of that.
anyway, enough rambling from me. i hope you're all well (as always) and you'll be glad to see that you're only getting one email from this post now :)
.jason
5.04.2004
four o'clock and all's well?
(pay no attention to that 'snacks' email... i'm sure stupid blogger is still broken, and i've yet to get my own thing going :)
odd that i find myself sitting wide awake at four am, after not going to bed particularly early.
do you ever have moments like that? where you wake up like your alarm went off, and it's a completely unreasonable hour to be getting out of bed... especially when it's nice and cool in your apartment (or house) and the perfect weather for sleeping - so much so that you'd find it hard to get out of bed with a full nights rest?
i hope not, but if you do and you get bored at that point, feel free to give me a call. apparently i wake quickly under short notice.
i got to hear my friend edie carey play last night (http://www.ediecarey.com), as well as teddy goldstein (http://www.teddygoldstein.com) and jim boggia (http://www.jimboggia.com ... are you surprised?) who i got to hear for the first time, and they (edie and teddy) were great, as i have come to expect them to be, and jim was excellent as well - apparently he is out of philly and pretty big there. excellent writing, playing, and singing. it's hard for me to understand sometimes how a group of traveling players can show up at a coffee house and play for only 20 people and have it be worth their while - but i am glad that they do, as it has to be some of the best live music i've heard. anyway, i guess this early am rambling is brought to you by them - do try to get out and catch them sometime if they are going to be in your area - i really can't imagine anyone regretting it.
have a great day.
.jason
(as i sit here and contemplate going back to bed vs. just getting up, taking a shower, and heading into work)
odd that i find myself sitting wide awake at four am, after not going to bed particularly early.
do you ever have moments like that? where you wake up like your alarm went off, and it's a completely unreasonable hour to be getting out of bed... especially when it's nice and cool in your apartment (or house) and the perfect weather for sleeping - so much so that you'd find it hard to get out of bed with a full nights rest?
i hope not, but if you do and you get bored at that point, feel free to give me a call. apparently i wake quickly under short notice.
i got to hear my friend edie carey play last night (http://www.ediecarey.com), as well as teddy goldstein (http://www.teddygoldstein.com) and jim boggia (http://www.jimboggia.com ... are you surprised?) who i got to hear for the first time, and they (edie and teddy) were great, as i have come to expect them to be, and jim was excellent as well - apparently he is out of philly and pretty big there. excellent writing, playing, and singing. it's hard for me to understand sometimes how a group of traveling players can show up at a coffee house and play for only 20 people and have it be worth their while - but i am glad that they do, as it has to be some of the best live music i've heard. anyway, i guess this early am rambling is brought to you by them - do try to get out and catch them sometime if they are going to be in your area - i really can't imagine anyone regretting it.
have a great day.
.jason
(as i sit here and contemplate going back to bed vs. just getting up, taking a shower, and heading into work)
4.26.2004
snacks... it's all about the snacks.
i'm sitting here at work, trying to get a good deal of work done, and have just had one of my many odd thoughts: i wonder if they had snacks in the ancient roman empire. you almost have to believe they must have... to have spread out so far, and built so much in a relatively short time (think of all the time they would have lost while people were glazed over wanting snacks). i think about this as i sit here wishing i had something to snack on while working, and as i over-snacked last week, i'm all out. no rice cracker mix, no nutty bars, no peanut butter crunch bars.
so sad.
i guess i'm just trying to decide if it is better for my productivity to procure snack food and retrun to the grind, or to push through - thinking whisfully of snacks and blowing time writing in my goofy little blog that would otherwise be spent working.
jeez. yeah, yeah... okay - i'll get back to work. just thought i'd say hi to everyone first :)
hmm... i just remembered they probably had whips in ancient rome... i think i prefer snacks.
.jason
(off to get another tasty glass of water)
so sad.
i guess i'm just trying to decide if it is better for my productivity to procure snack food and retrun to the grind, or to push through - thinking whisfully of snacks and blowing time writing in my goofy little blog that would otherwise be spent working.
jeez. yeah, yeah... okay - i'll get back to work. just thought i'd say hi to everyone first :)
hmm... i just remembered they probably had whips in ancient rome... i think i prefer snacks.
.jason
(off to get another tasty glass of water)
3.27.2004
blog from the wireless sticks
no real point to this message, not sure there is a point to a lot of my messages :)
just sitting on my parents deck on an old 200MHz Pentium MMX with a wireless card connecting to the WEP i configured for my dad, then through their desktop pc acting as a proxy out to the internet over dialup.
but man... it's nice sitting on the porch on an overcast day, the birds are making their presence known, buds on trees peeking out too. there's a truck far off in the distance, maybe even headed this way - i can't see it, but from the cound of the tires that far off, it's probably a truck... anyway. someones using a chainsaw off in the far distance and every now and then a few dogs chime in from down the road just to let the world know they are still there.
tried to fix something on my dumb old audi today - the power locks aren't working, and it's not a fuse issue (i checked them all)... so it's probably a relay, and i'll have to wait until i get home to check out the manual and see if i can find a relay responsible for the task. (old '90 V8 Quattro was apparently not made to be worked on by the owners... oh well - i think i'm going to set it free this summer and fix my beat up rabbit with the proceeds - or find a slightly less beat up car... i'm starting to like this living cheap thing.)
yep. it was a truck (the noise in the distance) - it just drove by a few seconds ago.
the birds here are noisy enough that it almost sounds like one of those recordings in a parks nature center that seems to have more birds making different noises than you would think could exist within earshot.
(not that i'm letting them distract me)
funny how 'the sticks' (almost in brown county - between nashville, in and columbus, in) can be noisy in it's own way, but somehow a little nicer and a little slower than the noises in the thriving metropolis of pendleton, in :)
anyway, the sun is starting to burn through the ethereal blanket, and i should probably get back to spending time with my mom - it's her birthday today. (happy birthday mom!)
.jason
just sitting on my parents deck on an old 200MHz Pentium MMX with a wireless card connecting to the WEP i configured for my dad, then through their desktop pc acting as a proxy out to the internet over dialup.
but man... it's nice sitting on the porch on an overcast day, the birds are making their presence known, buds on trees peeking out too. there's a truck far off in the distance, maybe even headed this way - i can't see it, but from the cound of the tires that far off, it's probably a truck... anyway. someones using a chainsaw off in the far distance and every now and then a few dogs chime in from down the road just to let the world know they are still there.
tried to fix something on my dumb old audi today - the power locks aren't working, and it's not a fuse issue (i checked them all)... so it's probably a relay, and i'll have to wait until i get home to check out the manual and see if i can find a relay responsible for the task. (old '90 V8 Quattro was apparently not made to be worked on by the owners... oh well - i think i'm going to set it free this summer and fix my beat up rabbit with the proceeds - or find a slightly less beat up car... i'm starting to like this living cheap thing.)
yep. it was a truck (the noise in the distance) - it just drove by a few seconds ago.
the birds here are noisy enough that it almost sounds like one of those recordings in a parks nature center that seems to have more birds making different noises than you would think could exist within earshot.
(not that i'm letting them distract me)
funny how 'the sticks' (almost in brown county - between nashville, in and columbus, in) can be noisy in it's own way, but somehow a little nicer and a little slower than the noises in the thriving metropolis of pendleton, in :)
anyway, the sun is starting to burn through the ethereal blanket, and i should probably get back to spending time with my mom - it's her birthday today. (happy birthday mom!)
.jason
3.26.2004
a dilemma for apartment dwellers
i've lived in apartments on and off for about twelve years now, and i have often found myself with the following dilemma when staying in an older place in a building that was not 'designed' to be an apartment.
when something is really not cool about the place you are living in, do you a) fix it, knowing that it is left behind when you leave or b) deal with it and be less happy. generally, this is an easy decision - do i paint this room, do i change this light, do i add a dimmer switch... unfortunately, i am currently challenged by what i describe as 'icky shower.'
'icky shower' is one of those vinyl 'glue on the wall' shower walls... the only problem is that it's old, they didn't do it right, and the seams appear to have developed some friendly microbes over time and to be honest, i'm tired of sharing my apartment with them. i went on a cleaning frenzy last night instead of working on work from my laptop - my normal method of giving entirely too much of my free time away to work, and procrastinating on doing the things to my apartment that need done... it was a nice change :)
after all the cleaning, i realized i need to get the walls painted in there and take care of other things, but the shower definitely bugs me more than anything, and i should do that before painting - or at least i think so.
i guess i'll do some research this weekend and see how what it's going to cost me if i decide to do this... vs. what it cost me if i dont :)
anyway, that's all from the blog for now. i thought i might start using this to put odd thoughts in, and you can feel free to tell me you don't want to get spammed with this... i won't feel bad... okay, maybe a little, but i'll get over it.
i'd better get back to work...
when something is really not cool about the place you are living in, do you a) fix it, knowing that it is left behind when you leave or b) deal with it and be less happy. generally, this is an easy decision - do i paint this room, do i change this light, do i add a dimmer switch... unfortunately, i am currently challenged by what i describe as 'icky shower.'
'icky shower' is one of those vinyl 'glue on the wall' shower walls... the only problem is that it's old, they didn't do it right, and the seams appear to have developed some friendly microbes over time and to be honest, i'm tired of sharing my apartment with them. i went on a cleaning frenzy last night instead of working on work from my laptop - my normal method of giving entirely too much of my free time away to work, and procrastinating on doing the things to my apartment that need done... it was a nice change :)
after all the cleaning, i realized i need to get the walls painted in there and take care of other things, but the shower definitely bugs me more than anything, and i should do that before painting - or at least i think so.
i guess i'll do some research this weekend and see how what it's going to cost me if i decide to do this... vs. what it cost me if i dont :)
anyway, that's all from the blog for now. i thought i might start using this to put odd thoughts in, and you can feel free to tell me you don't want to get spammed with this... i won't feel bad... okay, maybe a little, but i'll get over it.
i'd better get back to work...
2.26.2004
wonky
just tired tonight but felt like putting something in here. nothing of any substance, but hey... it's an entry. i guess i kind of got away from this for a while, things have been busy and computer time has been mostly for work. hello to the world out there and i'm off to sleep for now.
.jason
.jason
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